There's a technique?! I just slide my tongue around
i wish my apartment had room service that i didn't have to pay for.
Last night you told her she was rocking the beer gut. Still wondering why you have that black eye?
I'm pretty sure you thought I could absorb alcohol through my dress
I'm going to look like a jackass in the Mexican newspaper tomorrow.
I am definitely the only sober one on this train. And the only one not wearing a business suit. Wow, Monday Korea.
Until you find your self finger banging supergirl in the middle of the dance floor while her friends are passing around for luigi mustache for a photo op, YOU HAVE NOT HIT MY LEVEL
Having the sex-a-thon in the back yard led to some really odd tan lines.
Like handprints on my lower back...
Smoked all day yesterday and even more today. Just survived high dinner with mom and sister. Thought I might eat the whole table
They were arguing about who would hit the piñata first so naturally you tore it open with your hands. You broke the piñata and their hearts.
Ive already seen two fights and a clown urinating in the middle of the street. Hello Halloween 2014.
I fucked her ex bc she fucked mine but now we're cool and I'm watching her dog this weekend
It's a beautiful day to be high as fuck
I told my coworker that I'd get him some edibles because he wants to rekindle his marriage. I'd better get some good karma out of this.
I’ll always remember that day you sent me that random nude on accident lmao changed my life
Randomize
