Got drunk. Then they sung "we didnt start the fire" to my other cousin who accidentally burnt down the house when she was younger.
i was taking a dump when this random girl ran in, puked all over my lap, then passed out on the floor
did you bang her?
seriously?
you woulda been proud of me tonight though. i only made out with 2 guys. and in my defense one of them was to get a job after graduation.
when life gives you lemons, puke and rally.
It Amazes me that I was able to drunk update my status in Spanish last night.
We're gonna take a moment of silence to pray... that his penis is as pretty and as talented as his brothers.
Why are there hooting douchebags outside my building? Did a sport happen again?
Sorry, I was unaware dragging you upstairs for sex was such an awful thing.
Real reason I can't work: it's Tuesday. I get stoned and watch buck Rodgers in Tuesday.
Jesus Christ you're perfect.
apparently I stole your wolf lighter. probably bc you made me howl while you puked over your deck railing.
I made that picture of you my lock screen. So I've just been standing around at work licking my phone all day.
I'm taking a dab in mourning of how long its been since I smoked with you guys.
Are you coming down for 4/20 or does Easter kinda fuck that up for you?
you would not believe who i just fucked on my lunch break
Now I know Sunday Funday means fucking till you loose your voice.
Randomize
