I can't breathe out the right side of my face
I'm worried someone is gonna take a black light to my work computer. But the connection is faster here.
and if it starts getting weird im just going to tell him i used to be a man
There's a high school volleyball camp on campus this summer. I'm definitely going to jail.
Changed my mind. Wearing a dress. Casual, with a side of breasts.
Overdraft my account again. Parents are starting to ask questions. What would go over better a gambling or drug addiction??
You BETTER NOT STEAL MY MOTHERFUCKING SQUIRREL
to instagram or to not instagram the picture i took of when i shit in the urinal
is it too much for me to say that i have a ziplock bag with ice in it in my underwear?
I'm so high that hamburger just went up my nose. Mustard BURNS
Dude, fate has brought her to your penis.
Fuck it, if you can't drink cheep beer and whiskey with me, I don't want you.
I walked in on him fucking her whilst she ate skittles. I saw things no one should see, but I did get your bra back. You owe me.
I vaguely remember ordering a water at some point last night. It's good to know drunk me can still be responsible.
Listen, I love you but you cannot refer to your dick as the holy sister anymore
Randomize
