I am a bulletproof tiger!
Haha. Nice, be careful tonight.
I'm gonna have to get my windshield replaced. Is the keg beat?
Drinking at work by myself... My boss just walked into me copying my face on the copy machine..
it was like a zeppelin in a condom
I couldn't open my car door and for a second I thought they were taking me to an intervention circle.
I have the money I owe you for auctioning off your black thongs. Best 30 bucks ever spent
Should I feel bad that my boyfriend pays for my birth control and his friends get to reap the benefits?
She's drinking vodka out of a windex bottle. She is spraying it in her mouth and at strangers.
I mean it was his birthday. How was I supposed to tell him he could not wear a sombrero while we bang.
He was rocking just a diaper, shoes, and a gun. Sadly, I would still hit it.
It blows my mind that pandora doesn't have an : I want to lay in bed in the dark and be sad and cold and eat frozen mangos and chipotle all day station
Just saw a man in a motorized chair roll by drinking a beer. It's 9:45 AM. I love Louisiana.
You woke up butt naked, peed yourself said something about jumbo shrimp, and passed back out 10 seconds ltr..
Hydrocodon makes you feel like a fairy made out of pudding
So apparently dinosaur erotica does, in fact, exist.
Someone needs to get Mark off the roof. I told you that he doesn’t shut up about ancient Egypt if you give him henny.
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