Vomit. Vomit. Whatever. You wear a tiara in public.
He wanted a quickie. I said, can I play doodle jump on my iPhone during? And that's exactly how it went.
Have you ever wondered what your stripper song would be?
Came to from my blackout with native american warrior facepaint on I'm too old for this shit
The facepaint not the blacking out
Hundreds of bug bites..Dad jokingly says "looks like you passed out naked in the woods somewhere"
So my bf wanted to cum on my face and I let him. Afterwards I wiped some off, wiped it across his forehead and said, "The king has returned".
We got security called on us. Apparently the wedding down the street didn't appreciate the trespassing or our loud as fuck rendition of We Are Young.
Come my child we shall walk thru the pasture of amazing sex and corndogs. Hint:some corndogs are not corndogs.
I couldn't finish the episode and had to lay down because the snapple commercial with the mustache was blowing my mind
I say that because you at one point were like a mama spider covered with baby spiders only you were a man covered with strippers.
Rule #36, branched off rule 4: Dave stays on a leash in crazy settings. It keeps him good and gets you laid.
So essentially he's like a puppy you can bring to a bar? Retractable leash or chain then?
Here's the thing. Kinda drunk. Eating leftover soup. In bed. Watching Disney channel.
the guy had "bad bitches only" tattooed above his penis...
Apparently I’m a terrible influence when alcohol is involved
Weird. And pubic lice are now endangered so your hairy balls can rest easy
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