Cold hands, warm shart.
Just desperately used the "it's a boy" cigar I saved from my\nnephews birth to roll a blunt
You showed the cops outside of the bar your boobs and then decided to go apologize to them. They admitted that the reason they hung out there was because of girls like you.
We stayed in and smoked weed and watched Dreamgirls. We made each other's vaginal lips sing the songs. Mine was Beyonce, hers was Jamie Foxx. I think this is one of those times you're jealous you're not an awesome lesbian.
I can't remember where my feet are. All I can see are colors, and all I can feel is terror. The lollipop was a bad idea.
he tried to give me his business card but gave me his health insurance card then realized it and offered to take me to the strip club
Does taking an old homeless guy to the strip club, buying him lap dances, and calling him pops all night count as a good deed???
I feel like I got run over by a bus full of inebriated Scotsmen on the way to a soccer riot.
I want to put in my resignation as an adult. From now on I will be spending my time drinking beer and skiing.
Drunk at work, covered in Cheetos is no way to go through life.
I found Cheetos.
I've been back for one day and I've already given two bjs. Improvement from last year.
Clearly I'm trying to change the world one fuck at a time
you DO IT for the people
No feeling is better than coming home from your booty call and putting on a fresh pair of granny panties
Seltzer and cocaine. Life is flawless right now.
Why did two squirrels just run out from behind the couch?
About that.
Randomize
