this is like her 8th guy since december, is she wasn't frumpy people would call her a whore
Still waiting. He said he'd call between 2 and 10... apparently he's like the Comcast of drug dealers.
Nah the bridesmaids all had dates. I slept with the next best thing: girl who WANTED to be a bridesmaid but didnt make the cut.
There comes a time where you just have to sit back and watch the drunken idiots pee on each other
You made me drive your car so you could give the dude from the parking lot a BJ in the back seat. Classy.
my throat is bruised, my back is scarred, my vagina feels like it's going to fall off.. you're like godzilla. you destroy everything.
Some small part of me hopes I'm on the probationary list because of seeing the Dean at that fetish party.
I didn't tell that thing I wasn't coming over. Whoops
You know you haven't dated in a while when you call boys "that thing" and call dates "a boy type thing."
NOBODY TALKS SHIT ABOUT PANDA EXPRESS
Googled 'how drunk am I' and it was NOT helpful
coming down from speed on a 5 hour flight home from vegas is not a valid reason for calling off work the next day
so i said i had a yeast infection
We're at an agreement where I don't pry and she pretends blissful ignorance
Does having sex in an airport bathroom with a girl you just met at the bar count as the mile high club? ...no?
Guess it's not a good idea to try lighting a cigarette with my stove drunk, I burnt off half my bangs.
The only good thing about being back at work is supply room boom boom with my office husband
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