Nothing screams don't date me louder then having your baby as your profile pic
I know its only noon but, Im too drunk to hold this baby...
Two grown ass men just come into the bar riding humongous tricyles
He wants to make love to me in a sea of paint and wash my tears away with the brushes surrounding us..I've known him for 2 days.
Shots and making dong molds for my gf's friends. Typical Monday night activities.
First thing on my "to do" list- get sober for community service.
David pulled a magic mike again and started stripping on every street sign we passed.
Dude. If I met a dinosaur right now. we'd totally be on the same page. Brainwaves and shit.
make that a herd of moose. they will be my moose minions
Kinda awkward to hear your aunt complain about loose women when you're in town to be a stunt dick for a swingers convention. Just sayin.
We had sex on the bear rug. He said "you, me and the bear. This is bear-idise"
She got engaged last night. I don't think you should ask her out man.
Stupid adulating
Yeah it sucks, but at least I can buy wine so it all comes out in the wash
I cuddled with a man named Pickles
I didn’t spend $100 for a wax to sit here and listen to you FT your brother to complain about how bad the Jets are.
Randomize
