4:33 am: Sleep on left side of my bed. T-shirts are second drawer on left side, boxers top right. I don't wake up when lights are on so feel free in my room..
I wish I could punch you in the face.
ParTy fuckkin suckkkks bro I gotta fid sum biTch 2 leT me fire sum loadz on her FACE!
?
Nah, but can you imagine if I were seriously like that?
you know what would be great? if dirt tasted like steak and could get you drunk.
so I have this game called 14 beers left. and we both have to drink 7 before we leave
you kept searching pizza on facebook and becoming a fan of each page dedicated to it
Can you bring me a pair of sunglasses to the bathroom please... Don't judge me.
You bit the bartender when he refused to poor rum in your purse and hand you a straw.
When we found you, you were using the bottle of Captain as a pillow...with a note on your forehead that said don't wake up the champion.
I kept trying to give you water and you kept spitting it back at me. You looked like a camel. People were staring
A group of drunk Marines just serenaded me, never leaving this place
He sat next to me, put his arm around me, yelled at his girlfriend that he was breaking up with her, and told me I'm his little pet for the night.
Only you could make a reflective vest look even remotely sexy
I really need to stop sending pussy pics if I'm going to be running for state representative in November
There’s so much sex at the hospital I’m beginning to think scrubs were invented to make duty booty easier
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