curled up in a ball on my bed listening to my "cuddle with a boy" playlist. prettty high.
just found a carrot inside of a baby sock. living with toddlers is like living with tiny hammered people.
She was knocking on the tree demanding to be let in
I'm pretty sure blacking out is a coping mechanism.
Im in the bathtub drunk. Less than an hour before the interview. This will be the best or worst career move ever., support?
I just hit the bong during the whole bday song then blew the candles out with my exhale.
Dude best one night stand i woke she was cleaning our fridge while waiting for the cab to show
How the fuck did I get back? Last thing I remember is being on some hot guy's shoulders yelling at girls shaking their asses
We'll talk about it later...
I am an advanced cybernetic robot sent back in time to 2013 to fuck my wife senseless for hours on end. Have you seen this wife?
Eddy, if you don't want to roll play then say so. This is just obnoxious
Side note, i did some manscaping and now my farts sound way different
I am descending into that finals week rage fueled by ramen, mountain dew and bad sex is what's up.
Do you know how close I got to throwing him over the edge of the canyon?
part of it says your brother mayyyy have put his lips on my vagina
I peed on his bed and he still likes me. #keeper
He said he broke his back in 3 spots & my first thought was "there goes my booty call".
Did u have a 2nd thought
I need a new booty call.
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