I should have kept drinking, a coma can't be as bad as this hangover
He got so drunk that he tried hitting on a girl using nothing but his Samuel L. Jackson soundboard application on his Iphone
Why do my balls have what looks like rust on them?
The drunken tricycle race really added some class to the Tour de Franzia. Until everyone wiped out and started puking.
I just realized there's an entire generation of children that will never know Alex Trebek had a mustache... Sad.
Mom got me cough medicine that tastes like tequila . She said she took taste tests. Best mom ever.
Very excited! Vodka will be shot, dicks will be ridden, and memories made.
I got turned off after he said, "i can see us in the future...me, you, and a back yard full of alpacas."
I feel so nauseous and all I want is string cheese. My life never makes sense.
He told me we shouldn't hang out because it would be weird and then snap chatted me a picture of his dick
I'll be home soonish I need 4th of July sex, it's the American thing to do.
Operation rebound complete... I fucked the bouncer
DICK-CITY HERE WE COME
Tacos and sex are way better than any anti depressant pill ever was. I think I made a medical discovery here.
Also I’m on 3%. Just Incase.. I miss you and I love you and you’re my everything and I’m getting drunk.
Randomize
