her fupa was seducing me. this is the last time i'm doing shrooms.
Wish I didn't live with 3 girls so I could beat off in peace.
I caved and texted him. But it's strictly drug dealing business so it doesn't count.
FYI angry masturbation is not as cool angry sex
Ya I guess he's not a bad roommate. I mean if he wasn't here I would probably be more lazy and pee in bottles and stuff.
he tried to convince me he was a seal.. sound effects included. and then asked me to 'be his lady seal'.
Chelsea passed out in the kiddie pool. Just added around 28 boxes of jello powder. Will let you know how it works out
Spilled red wine all over my bed. This has to be the fiftieth time ive refused to fall asleep without a drink in my hand
Listen to my proposal.... I feed you crackers while I fuck you ever so gently.
So I had a crappy evening so the fat girl in me says eat and cry and watch something sad. The cool girl in me says don't eat go run. So I'm watching family guy and doing crunches w a pickle in my mouth
Gross
AN ACTUAL PICKLE
So my Mom pointed out my vibrator on the night stand next to my stun gun and reminded me of how much I drink.
THERE ARE SO MANY HOT DADS AT WHOLE FOODS
Last night you dunked donut holes in spinach dip, ate it, threw up, and continued eating. I cant keep up with your drunk eating skills.
I was wondering where the donuts went.
Something I never want to forget. I'm in a porta potty and she is outside knocking on the door going "You're a queen. You're a queen. Never think any different"
He was talking about his friends deceased ferret and I still managed to orgasm.
Now THAT is dedication!
Randomize
