you guys were way drunker than both of me
She's in Spain. I'm in Holland. World Cup Final is Sunday.
Dude, it's like the Romeo and Juliet of FIFA.
Wanna go watch Transformers and scream "AMERICA!"? I need a no thought activity
If I interpreted our horoscopes correctly...you should be coming home with an 8 ball. Just saying.
When we were grinding I think your nuva ring fell into my shoe
Then he claimed me as his prize for 3rd place in a wing eating contest. Too romantic.
Pizza rolls are incredible. They are like sex, except I have them sometimes
I just hooked up with the same bartender my dad cheated on my mom with in the 90s. Not sure how this makes me feel.
family traditions my good sir
I just had to remind myself that I'm visible in real life. Sitting in the car in a parking lot, and almost took my shirt off because the tag is itchy and I wanted it off... and you know I don't wear bras...
Oh and apparently something happened that was related to "THIS IS SPARTA" but no one will tell me what I did.
So I'm going to blame my boobs hurting on that.
Can I join you for some emotional "Post: The Ohio State University's first lose in football after a 24 game winning streak" sex?
Can you send me the pictures of me riding the penis
I think "we've never met sober" is a great relationship to have with someone
He drank an entire six pack, past out on the guest bed, woke up around 4AM, lifted & dropped my leg, then peed on the corner of the bed. When I told him where he was pissing he said "it's all the same babe."
Oh please. Preoccupy yourself with my penis.
Randomize
