Lets evaluate? U kissed one boss and lef twith another man. I cock teased the other, hardcore had a tongue jammed down my throat, made out w aa third then left in a cab w alex w them all yelling at me and offering rides. My cheek was also licked and bitten by 2 other men and we almost made out (u and me) because they asked. were hired.
I just ate a drumstick out of the garbage. I need a life coach.
Don't know whats worst me sharding on her a bit or her believing me when i told her she did it...
who knew "i drink your milkshake" would work as a pickup line
I just watched the quarterback of Purdue get shut down by a girl at a bar. not a good omen
I feel like a cloud. A cloud that wants to be laid.
I got tossed from adult league soccer for telling a 55 year old I'd break his hip. I'm a productive member of society
I was like can I please fuck your hips back into realignment
alicia just called me and talked to me in "the eternal language of the dinosaurs" and then kind of roared and gurgled. what kind of 4th of july are you guys having?
the boozy kind. is there any other?
I CAN FEEL MY HEART BEATING MY WHOLE BODY
Oh dear. Sending much love.
Just send a machete.
I have an ideal penis or slightly above ideal penis in every country that isn't ruined by the specter of communism
Cancelling your gym membership calls for alcohol.
There is a pool of ranch salad dressing in my purse...I know thats always been something you've wanted to try..so don't even act like you didn't do this.
she peed her pants, took them off, the put them back on. but she only put her legs in one hole.
Randomize
