I thought spray tan was a myth
?
You know, something that only happens in Jersey
She made a list of the things each of us had done wrong and assigned a point system. Guess who came out the loser?
Just farted cum and thought I shit myself. Crisis averted tho
The musician playing at the bar just puked inside his acoustic guitar, then sang an encore performance. I love Louisa!!!!
I ended up staying at a police station for being a witness in a public masturbation case..NOW do you believe me that I've never had a good St. Patrick's Day?
come parachute off the vicodin airplane with meee
it's just one of those nights where i don't care if anyone sees my vagina
She has an inverted nipple. She told to play with the normal one until the other one pops up.
He's probably hung over. I sure as hell am. I want to pop out my eyeballs with a fork and soak them in cold water
Kristy just reminded me that I have a bottle of champagne to lick off your ass hole...... This is by way of saying that we have plans on Friday.
She thinks Jesus was an astronaut.
When the neighbors threatened to call the cops, he yelled at them that American laws didnt apply to him because he was Danish. He then sang his own version of "America fuck yeah" along to daft punk, then fell down the porch steps. Can we keep him?!?!
I'm just blindly tossing my dick into whatever comes my way.
THE AUSTRALIAN IS SINGLE AS FUCK.
I can't believe I watched you put a tampon in in the parking garage
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