It was like a fairy tale, until he tried to put it in my ass...
How can it be called memorial day weekend....I don't even remember this weekend
We drove past his house blaring "Like a virgin" in the middle of the day. pretty sure he heard.
I invented the best game. It's called "what touched my exposed nutsack?" It can range from pillows to toothbrushes
So apparently the only parts of last night I remember didn't actually happen.. When did vodka become a hallucinogen?
I would feel bad sleeping with her unless all of her personalities were on board with it.
The video of him doing the dougie made me telling him I didn't want a relationship, just his virginity so much easier.
Nothing screams fatass like a pizza that doesn't fit in your car
idk. a stripper just bit me. I'm so disoriented
Ah, drunk me ordered sushi at 3 a.m. for sober me's lunch the next day. EXCELLENT
You haven't lived until you've thrown up naked in a hotel room in Fargo while holding your breasts so they don't touch the toilet bowl.
You tried paying your tab with the coaster
I can't believe I got dumped for a fat chick, but at least I got four and a half years worth of free shit. So we can call it even.
I mean I did fuck her boyfriend, the least I could do is post happy birthday on her Facebook wall.
my mom is feeding me weed brownies...god help us
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