piano lessons. No girlfriend. What's up.
well my last 2 orgasms were over shoe sales at macy's. what does that tell you?
I guess what I'm trying to say is you've fucked more people than the economy.
i cleaned out my closet and found 7 beers from 2007. ive had 3 so far.
The higher i get, the less gay he looks, and the more i want to make out with him. This is dangerous.
Being the only sober one.. I had to feed you guys doritos. You kept licking my fingers.
Considering adding a large amount of vodka to my tomato cup-a-soup at work. Save me.
Exactly, there's no such thing as commitment at foam n' glow
The last thing I remember was naked hot tub and taking a shot and using the hot tub water as a chaser. Not acceptable.
When I woke up next to him on the living room floor, my glasses were broken and it felt like someone rubbed a cactus all over my vag
Yeah, I got home from work at like 9:30, and he was passed out on the couch wearing only a tee shirt and The Jurassic Park theme on repeat.
I have bruises all over my legs. Did I hit a car with my bike last night?
You have to get it done early. Like a dick drive by. Hit it and run.
I just found a piece of dried shredded carrot on my bed
Despite how often it occurs, I have absolutely no interest in having sex with myself
Randomize
