why did they invent bidet's? your butt gets clean when your poop falls in the toilet and splashes up anyway...
if you can see her tanning goggle line that's officially a deal breaker
i just realized that fran drescher is the 90's version of a guidette.
I'm making a contract of things you're not allowed to put in my ass
we had to stop you from eating moldy cake.. twice.
This Xanax laced vodka tonic will help me forget that all these spring breakers are all young enough to have been my students.
Idk, you were a drunk pirate that kept stealing pieces of people's costumes to keep as your booty.
That would explain all the random shit in my room...
I called my mom while I was blackout drunk, and told her I was drunk, safe, and happy. But really, I was just drunk.
with great strapon comes great responsibility.
The only thing left on my Bucket List is getting fingered at an aquarium.
Godammit I caught my hair on fire taking a bong rip
You are not the cause of late onset lesbianism.
I AM A GOOD PERSON AND THEREFORE I DESERVE QUALITY DICK!
And since we used to fuck you are absolutely obligated to like my tweets
i had to flash a cab last night.
did it work?
No. he slowed down but then kept going. story of my life.
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