Omg just saw this kid I went to elementary school with at the bar and he used to be cool and I was so awkward but now I have boobs so I WIN.
If he comes back to you and I'm left alone in lonelytown I'm totally going to poo on your car.
Why do I always have sex on the first date when I know it demotes me to booty call girl?
Dude if I didn't piss myself last night I dont think I would have woke up in time for work.
With the way things had been going, I was never more excited for a person to cum
I just stepped on my own foot and apologized to my shoe... THAT high.
I took a bird feeder and filled it with alka-seltzer. Can you say fireworks?
I don't have the urge to be a home-wrecker with these two. I think I've grown, don't you?
so the photographer said "let's get a picture of the cousins" so we posed together, and then he said " lets get a picture of the couples" So we posed together.
My cell phone fell out of my shirt pocket while tying my shoe on an escalator....which was followed by me being accused of trying to sneak an upskirt photo and being violently shoved down the top of the escalator. How's YOUR day?
She dumped me and then asked if I wanted to come to her improv show. Fuck theatre majors, man.
Maybe you can just make seal noises during sex and we can call it good
Her vagina is like the upper echelon of Scientology and I don't have enough money to get in
he called me 'mate' and i had to remind him that you dont call people mate who continously make your dick hard
Had sex on your trumpet just an fyi.
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