I may have told her we're dating for a handjob, Fake tits are overrated.
i just had 3 doubles lined up on top of a urinal, texting with one hand and my dick in the other. I an fucking awesome.
He came through my line today and bought designer impostor perfume, just for men gel, and astroglide. I almost DIED.
life lesson learned today: sleeping pills and laxatives don't mix.
just a forewarning-if you come home and hang out with your stupid girlfriend the entire time that you are here/fail to get wasted with us i will wish either death upon you or that you truly do turn gay when you return to the navy.
When I try to close my eyes ibwant to puke. Going to the basement to watch pocohantas. That'll keep myeyes open. And puke free.
The girl who overdosed in the bathroom at work is back....help?
Just did a keg stand the dropped my phone in the toilet. Sorry for partying.
You did a keg stand on the toilet?!
Fried chicken is a must. Do strippers eat fried chicken or should I plan on something else?
I seem to have forgotten that I am wearing a one piece bathing suit under my clothes
classified somewhere between kinky and medically inadvisable
is buying liquor on my lunch break too aggressive?
I have jury duty tomorrow
I almost deep fried my finger today and yet I think you are worse off than I am.
HE IS. YOU SHOULD TOUCH HIS BACK.
IT IS A COURTSHIP RITUAL.
THE MUTUAL BUTT TOUCH IS SACRED.
We really gotta wear capes to the bar more often...
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