You never realize just how much you have to be thankful for until you almost shit yourself in a Target.
Is it wrong of me that I wish I could be a midget for a day so I can give head standing up?
I just don't get it. Video games don't suck his dick.
We FINALLY fucked. I swear that's the longest I've ever held out for
Umm you met him three days ago....
I said what I said
We broke the shower door. Completely off. His roommates were not happy but I sure was
...Just between you and me I just did Olympic grade ribbon dancing with toilet paper in the bar bathroom.
I think ur a lot drunker then u think u are. That girl has the body of a cartoon character and not in a good way.
Am I allowed to compare getting cum'd on the face to a warm summer rain?
You paid at the door and they gave you a straw for the kiddie pool full of booze.
After a bit there were two girls who got naked and liquor wrestled. I don't think it was planned.
Was behind a guy going 20 for 4 miles I'll be there as soon as the universe quits fucking me
The woman that sang I Touch Myself died today. There's only one appropriate way to honor her memory.
I'm on the job.
he sent me the greatest dick pic I've ever received.
he actually took the time to cut a fingertip off of a glove then put it on his dick like a beanie. he called it hipster dick.
"I made out with someone too, but then he tried to fuck and I played dead"
I ask for a dick pic and he sends a picture of Dick Cheney. Who does that?
You had sex with a Scottish dude with a peg leg....how could I NOT tell that story??
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