with your own penis?
Tittie bar + Mother In law gone = mission accomplished.
No, i'm not gonna let you give me a footjob on the floor of the cheesecake factory. C'mon.
it's been like two and a half months. And I swear, I keep seeing walking dicks. I think I'm going crazy cause of lack of sex..
Her mom is home on her lunch break. Guess who's hiding In the Closet?
girl I've been sleeping with this summer as per her request just gave me a carton of cigs to thank me for my "hospitality". this is good.
We got back from Mcdonalds and literally 5 minutes of being in your room, you wanted to go back because "We haven't been yet."
Make me a sandwich
The day you make me feel like my detachable showerhead does I'll make you a sandwich.
I feel like a pet sloth would complement my lifestyle.
Well I think won that argument, as the cops were leaving, they offered me a ride to the airport
Why were you twerking to, "The Wheels on the Bus"?
I'm a terrible person when I drink. I went from fine to not making any sense and yelling about cheese in like 30 seconds.
My mum just told me to stop being so pathetic and just find someone to have sex with, even if I don't like them, just be grateful for the sex. Wow.
I just bought spray paint, a T-shirt, and a box of magnum condoms. The cashier refused to make eye contact! Haha
I hate her so much I want to fuck her boyfriend.
Randomize
