Remember when I use to call my dick 'the pendulum'
wtf?
It is now the artist formerly known as 'insideyourgirlfriend'
where's my purse there's an important taco in it
He was eating her out on the elevator. What a good man.
well apperantly i passed out on the stairs shouting "victory".
Apparently I tried to convince him to sleep with me by showing him that I could do dips....
ALSO, I NEED TO BORROW A CAT. ASAP
He told me my butthole was like "Narnia" and that it's a wonderful place he would like to visit.
Can you check on Mike in the bathroom. It's been like 20 min.
He's fine. He's just standing at the trash can in line for another beer from the keg. Nbd.
well he got me up crazy early but i got pizza for breakfast and an electric blanket to sleep with sooo he passed the one night stand test.
Just to be a PITA after I die, my will leaves 1 cent to each of my FB friends. I hate my lawyer.
I asked her how many times she came and she said "Oh god I can't count that high, Rutgers doesn't teach us that."
Wish me luck. My vagina needs it.
May his noodley appendage touch you.
Help me help you realize you are a moron
I don't remember much, but I remember he called me the dick whisperer, so it must not have been all bad.
so i showed up to the bars in a sombrero and a tie as a headband... so yeah, they didn't let me in
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