nosebleed girl is getting lots of praise
So instead of cumming in her, I peed in her...
What did she do!?
I didn't tell her...
I told him that he could only go home with me if he didn't talk or tell me his name
Well, we missed our public lewdness court date. Looks like were going to jail in Alabama ...
We waited til after. Not even drunk sex felt right during a Disney movie.
Oh yeah forgot to mention that I referred to myself as the oral sex heavyweight champion last night
in my defence, i did try to get you to put your shirt back on, then you screamed at me to stop telling you what to do
Too bad you can't keep me under your desk. You'd love that wouldn't you? Massages, blowjobs, and I'd be forced to be quiet all day.
Either I'm drunk or judge Judy has 3D commercials...so I think I'm drunk. Also I may or may not haven eaten a hoagie on the toilet when I didn't want to stand up
show concern. Mark ate a butterfly and proceeded to drink more shots like nothing happened
Well I have rug burns in both armpits, somehow. So yes you should have been here
that's the second time I've made out with him and woken up with my pants stuffed with PBRs I am convinced he's magic
There's a burrito next to my bed. Did you buy it for me or is the Chipotle fairy real? And why am I naked?
So, I actually said the words "but face tattoos are sexy"
That awkward moment when you bring a guy back to your place then have to tell him you only have magnums.
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