My econ prof just gave me a shot glass because I was the "randomly picked" winner of the lecture. Ties into our supply and demand lecture, supplied with a shot glass, demand a thirsty thursday
This escort grabbed my boyfriends ass and it became clear, he fucked pretty much anything he could find prior to dating me.
just found a bag of Oreos in my purse labeled "emergency".
How drunk are u on a scale of one to couldn't get it up if u had a gun at ur head?
Ohhh. Its been awhile. Vending machine hotel condoms are $15 here who can afford to not get herpes?
Is 'too horny to study' a good enough medical excuse to not take a final?
You kept showing the cop the bruises on the bottoms of your feet and claiming you were a medical mystery.
You are the alcoholic guardian angel of raccoons
I look like a bag of dicks so if you could ugly yourself up that'd be great.
There's nothing quite like having a little 8 year old boy hand me a Bible on campus while I'm on my way to the health center because of my recent slutty tendencies.
when u match a guy bc he's from Oregon & he's trying to flirt, shut up i just want to talk about trees
He corrected my spelling during sexting.
That time of your life is like a blur to me. There was churches, car fucking, and conservatives
If it makes you feel any better I almost got kicked out of the bar for yelling "enjoy your celebratory incest"
I love you.
I have a lot of money, and no morals. shots on you when you get here.
Randomize
