I feel like death. And death is wearing a fleece blanket as a dress. And is seriously contemplating wearing this to go get something to eat.
winter break is gonna be like a weird mixture of rehab fat camp and holiday cheer.
he came so fast he could have be employed at jimmy johns
did you know that snuggie is the perfect anti-freak out aid for stoners? it weighs you down so you can't go anywhere. just sit there and enjoy the movie, that's right.
he thanks me after handjobs.
you found the perfect man.
this morning i checked my reflection in the toilet as i was throwing up to make sure i still had my pearl earrings on
That's why you NEVER put anything a stripper gave you in your mouth
Quick question, how many times can you get chlamydia before your vagina just gives up and falls off?
Turns out lunch break sex with someone you cant stand being around for any amount of time just makes you wish you had gone to get tacos like you originally planed.
We are gunna have the best winter break smoking weed and eating ham
Also.. The Hobbit does not look like a cartoon. We were just too fucking high.
Kyle found me outside his apartment in the hallway. Said he didn't hear me knock bt smelled alcohol through the door. I'm sucha bitch to my liver
There's no discreet way to sneak a cucumber into the shower lol
the next morning his mother came in to tell me that she made breakfast. she told me to put my clothes on too. awkward.
Apparently I gave a guy a hand job on the dance floor. ON THE DANCE FLOOR.
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