you wouldn't even come home last night... Dead to me
I swear if she hugs me I'm going to bleach my body
i'm using a wine bottle as a spitter. how classy is that.
she texted him the burrito order while she was puking in the Del Taco parking lot...
I just masturbated mid-day, thinking of you
I think that is one of the most romantic things I have ever heard from a fuck buddy on v-day, there is a strong possibility that you will soon be my girlfriend.
God, you're like boner-b-gone
on the brightside, the semester can only get better from getting a dui at 8 am on the first day.
your optimism is becoming unhealthy
Just had to buy plan b w/ my robotic baby from family living.. Awkward.
that's how you measure success
By how bad my vagina hurts on a Tuesday morning while I'm trying to figure out how I got white girl wasted on a Monday?
I fingered myself to realization that I don't need birth control if there is never a guy.
Proudest moment of my life. Just watched a guy walk into the side of a car because I winked at him. Love these yoga pants and my hair. Fuck yes. His mouth was hanging open.
if a CSI technician examined our hotel room with a black light he'd think we hit the Pulse button a DNA blender without a lid
so in other words, they broke and fell off and I ate a gummy life saver off of his balls
Whats a polite way to say 'if you havent put on a freshman 15 i would like to see you during break'?
I’ve gotta be honest, I didn’t expect to have sex. I didn’t shave... anything. You couldn’t have been impressed.
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