I just changed her number in my phone to "You Wouldn't If You were Sober"
theyre doing shots to celebrate her boob jobs anniversary.
i just practiced my bj skills on a banana in front of the mirror
its going to be a good night
You kept calling me your small dog last night.
I'm in my boyfriends bathroom and I shit so bad, there was no toilet paper but his mom's clothes were on the floor and I wiped my butt on her underwear... now it looks like she sharted
Word is he has some crazy hawaiian STD
I love flavors. My neighbour is owide smoking and so am I. I'm adio boooooored and I need an adult.
So were u tired or drunk when u wrote last night's text message?
pills.
We had car sex in the parking lot of the dispensery while he blasted Tony Bennett. It was so fucking romantic.
Sounds like it could have been the night you pulled out your love stump at the strip club.
There is nothing wrong with me introducing you as elephant dick. Nothing.
that almost beats the chick I saw smoking a joint while uni-cycling past my house at 4am. Almost.
There's so much mac and cheese stuck to my foot right now
time to play the game of how much Christmas shopping I can get done before these shrooms kick in
Nothing says Happy Thanksgiving like picking cocaine boogers out of your nose at your parents house.
Mom is so high she had to turn off the ceiling fan because it was going too fast and it freaked her out.
Randomize
