Note to Self: No matter how horny, turned on or in the moment you are, never go down on your gf after she had soccer practice.
dude i woke up in a pile of chocolate chips. this has to stop happening
I fucked my boyfriend 15 minutes before my pap test. My gyno probably thinks I hate her.
I thought the cops would know I was on shrooms because I was 10ft tall.
I have a completly random but serious question. Can I make a paper mache mold of you ass and turn it into a pinata filled with airplane bottles of liquor? Its for my art class
My Valentine's Day plans just drastically changed... My F buddy just ran into my gf...in my driveway.
Whore. There is deli meat in my wallet.
Thank you for FINALLY joining the Slutasorus Rex club in this conversation.
I told her I didn't have a condom. She then sized me with her thumb and finger and tossed me a large. Then I asked her to marry me.
What would you say is the recommended tip for a hotel maid who has to clean up vomit on just about every surface of a hotel bathroom?
And besides a nice relationship, I just really want to get laid damnit
It's the Ides of March, motherfucker. That means we're supposed to daydrink, right?
Last night was great... In the "I got videotaped making out and getting a handjob on the couch in front of 100 people." kinda way.
I think I deserve an award for the breakup text I sent him. Like a pulitzer prize or a donut or something.
Last night’s booty call turned into a cuddlefest. Get your game face on, we’re hunting dick tonight
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