took him home. told him i would rock his world. passed out. a for effort f for follow thru
YOURE GIVING A BLOW JOB TO THE BOY WHO SAYS "OH SNAP"
Dude if I didn't piss myself last night I dont think I would have woke up in time for work.
you kept yelling at her to "show me your genitals" until the bouncers told us to leave...at which point you showed them YOUR genitals...
please don't ever take me to a strip club again...
i should do something illegal before my birthday. as of thursday im old enough to go to jail.
I feel like this has turned into my work. But if I get paid sitting under a desk, that's perfectly fine with me.
...I can smell the alcohol on your breath through that text
The strip club incident sums up our friendship pretty well
It's like... Even my horoscope knows I had an awkward threesome last night.
Today was brought to you by the letter B for beer and bourbon and the number fuck you I'm meant to be studying not hungover
Well, we ended up labeling the relationship. We are now each other's designated butt-toucher.
So vagazzling was a success
we panicked because we couldn't find you anywhere, but then we found you tripping in the bathtub with Marie's cat. there was no water. you thought there was water, though.
To get him to come she paid for his uber and promised that someone in the house would give him head. it worked
Yah. I'm gonna lay you down and feed you grapes, except I'm gonna replace grapes for my balls
Randomize
