I want to walk on stilts...naked
I spent a large portion of the night trying unsuccessfully to keep hayley (who was wearing a dress and no underwear) from doing handstands, but yea it was fun. the boys had fun
Just saw a guy doing jumping jacks at the gym. I don't even have to create a punch line for that
I'm more picky about my flip flops than the guys I sleep with
24 hours later and my vagina is still tingling. That good.
We left an ass print on the piano.
Pretty sure the cab driver can even smell the sex coming from between my legs
I stole something. Which direction out are you guys gonna go
New York City is dangerous when the only bars you go to are the ones that have 'open' in front
this could be the second dad I've smoked weed with
SCUSE ME I KNOW YOU DIDNT DO THAT MUCH COKE IN 10 MINUTES
I told him I wanted to fuck him and he hasn't texted me back in 4 days...am I missing something
I wish I could say this wasn't the first time I shit myself in a Piggly Wiggly.
Oh you mean the girl that gave me a black eye when I told her I liked her fake eyelashes?
Ugh I realized he only responds to my snaps when I’m eating a popsicle
Why are male brains so small?
Randomize
