I got chris browned last night
my 3 year old cousin just woke up screaming "IT WON'T GO DOWN!'
i'm pretty sure the devil's penis is california-shaped
Dear yesterdays makeup, Thank you for always being there when I stay up late binge drinking on weeknights and am running late to work Friday morning. You're the best.
I woke up covered in blue paint and my knee bleeding, when I went to return the shopping cart the guy in the elevator laughed hysterically. I'm having a good morning.
maybe i'll make good life choices and keep my legs closed. periodically txt me friday and saturday night saying "baby carrot round 2" that should stop me.
I'm the saddest girl in a tutu right now.
I have a completly random but serious question. Can I make a paper mache mold of you ass and turn it into a pinata filled with airplane bottles of liquor? Its for my art class
I'm drinking Leinenkugel through a Red Vine. I'm not drunk. I'm just happy with my life so far.
Two things. 1) party at my house this Friday 2) what was the name of the Australian you fucked on the cruise ship?
Is this really the life I've chosen for myself?
Dude so help me god I WILL weigh a penis one day
I DONT KNOW HOW I'M NOT DEAD, JESUS CHRIST ON A DOUBLE DECKER FUCKING KEANU REEVES BUS
As a side note, can you ask the maintenance staff not to drag their balls on our stairwell handrails. Please.
I'm going to get him a gold star sticker and put it on his dick
Randomize
