i have a strong feeling i fucked one of the waiters here...
Bad news. Pictures just stimulated my memory and i just realized the stripper I hooked up with this weekend tasted like pizza.
Asking him not to sleep with other girls is like asking me not to have my period apparently
The guy who was The Count on Sesame Street died this week too. Therefore, you should take multiple shots, count them, & go "ahh aaahh aaaahhh" after each one. I expect video...
Cause its not a drunken adventure unless someone ends up in a pool
The low-flow toilet at my office cannot handle the intensity of this hangover.
At this point i guess a traditional, non-life-threatening pity fuck is too much to ask for
My ass is underappreciated
I am in serious pain and you're making dick jokes. I hope you wind up with crotch rot.
I found one of those wine glass confetti bits in my ass crack.
All I remember is being lured out to sit by the fire by you holding a piece of pizza in front of me
Just got drunk at the Cheesecake Factory again. Made me think of you.
That's the nicest thing anyone's ever said to me.
Dude, exfoliate your balls. you'll thank me later.
Sorry for not calling you back. I got drunk and passed out on the kitchen floor. I just found my phone in the shower.
Damn, I just did coke with a dude in a bathroom and after he took his dick out right in front of me and took a piss. What a power move.
Randomize
