More dangerous that a broken heart and a shotgun.
I was in a gas station that sold tazers and I just saw a billboard that said "Strippers, need we say more?" God I love Georgia!
she was seriously choking and the whole time all he kept saying was "that's what she said"
if you want blown tonight you're gonna have to take me up on that offer now. in less then 45 minutes you're gonna be blacked out and i'm not doing something i'm not getting credit for in the morning.
I feel like wearing underwear would just be poor planning
im destined to be single forever. i hope its okay if your kids come and hang out with my cats.
Tried to ride the mechanical bull pants less, got punched for making out with some lesbians wife, and you tipped the bartender with a can of skoal.
I regret nothing
DICK PUNCH EXTRAVAGANZAAAAAA!!!!!
Walked back to my room from the bus last night and all I see is 3 of my friends on the porch chugging whiskey and then throwing up in unison
I can dream in two languages, but it's still about ripping a bong.
You went through my pantry and left one of everything in the box. One cracker. One cheesit. One piece of cereal. I really fucking hate you.
I just fully woke up, never smoking that much weed again. I had stress dreams about your house being surrounded by a lake and we kept losing our cars in it.
I just bottomed with the last unicorn playing in the background. I've hit a new level of gay.
I think I sold my soul to a dominatrix last night.
Are you drinking tequila at 1pm? ...at Disneyland?
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