YEA!!! I'll throw you a non-baby shower.
So I answered the door in my underwear expecting my boyfriend. Instead I opened the door to Mormon missionaries. Do you think that was a sign from God?
angela screamed across the room SHES A CHAMP when i told the pharmacist plan b doesnt make me throw up
Thru out the entire phone conversation I went from thinking: he's making a gay come-on, to he's trying to sell me drugs, before realizing he was offering me a job with an internet company. Things are gonna be awkward in class this week.
Passed out mid cig in bed last night. Thank you cough for allowing me legal prescription hydrocodone.
i refuse to hook up with a girl that looks like drew carey.
Well to me, someone is not really my friend until we go to a mcdonalds drunk at 4am. It's like a right of passage
A dry HJ only, please. I don't deserve the comforts of lube after my horrendous fantasy football performance
I just hope the day something happens to me my phone just dies, like literally died and will never turn on ever again. I feel like God owes me that much.
She bit my shoulder during foreplay last night, and it's already infected. I think she has rabies.
He walked in wearing nothing but a WWF belt and yelled "THE CHAMP... IS... HEEERE!!!"
I thought he was foreign, but it turns out when you're that drunk, an Ohio accent just sounds Russian.
Strip club, what strip club did I eat a steak at? That's the appropriate question
I've covered myself in body paint in the likeness of R2D2 and I still didn't get laid. Please explain.
we're gonna read the declaration of independence and do a shot for every word he doesn't understand.
Randomize
