I am coming home for anal
* a nap*
I miss him.. What the hell did I get myself in to? I guess it will get better with time.
No. Just liquor. Time's no good.
I have decided today is drunk costume day. That is, i woke up still drunk and found costumes all over my floor. Heck yes. This is happening. Come over. Drink.
woke up laying on an empty pizza box and some guy was doing blow off my butt...i guess i should thank you.
50 year old business women like dick too. Come on she said you looked like Ricky Martin.
My mom now keeps ice cubes on hand for my bong water. We may be able to work this relationship out.
I'm about to sell my hamster for weed money I'll call you in a few
He just stared into my eyes and touched himself. That isn't hooking up.
My g-ma saw your dick-pic and wants you to know I've got a keeper. She says her big whopper died in Korea. Good thing g-pa is still asleep.
Any residual attraction has just been ruthlessly murdered by that mustache.
I had sex on a sidewalk in downtown Chicago... I don't think I have anymore morals to lose.
Please let me buy the coffee, all my assets are in starbucks gift cards
if I blackout nd am found tomorrow w butterfly hairclips on my nipples and my habd down my pants tell my family I am sorry
I can't believe the police had to bring me to my booty call last night
I wish I was taller so I could give these boobs the publicity they deserve.
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