guess who came home with a hottie last night
Def drugged
the nicest thing hes ever said to me is give me head.......please
all we did was drink wine and talk about how people who dont have facebook dont exist.
How do I recover from singing "your body is a wonderland" on his voicemail?
yeah, but i heard shes schizophrenic
i wouldn't even care dude, i'd fuck her and all 7 of her personalities.
Didn't get to fuck her. Had to leave abruptly through window. Explain later.
I petted my head, told my hair it felt beautiful and needed to be let free. Then pulled out my pony tail. Cheers to weed. I lose.
the intervention consisted of my aunt taking me to chuck-e-cheezs and telling me that this was my future - either as a mom or as a waitress - unless i stopped fucking around.
did she buy you pizza?
it's ok my mom asked me why i had a guys shirt on and also why there was chocolate all over my bra
Best orgasm I ever had! I though we totally connected and I asked him to stay over. He went back to the sigma chi house and returned with his blankie and a 40. please help
Today I found out that my boss keeps a breathalyzer on his desk for just these sort of shenanigans
Good news: you're over the drunk crying life phase. Bad news: now you're handy and violent. You were groping me from behind in front of the guy you like, then you put me in a headlock and swept the leg.
All she has to do is text me and my dick gets hard. She asked how my day was going and it got hard.
Should we make a shared Google doc list of places we want to fuck? Like a scavenger hunt?
Come as you are, bitch. Glitter and vodka provided.
Randomize
