He really likes Obama...and Bill Clinton too. He said "I mean, how many presidents can say that they got head in the oval office?"
Soulmates.
look out your window.... he's holding his iphone up like a boombox playing you beach boys
you think she would figure it out that ever dude that fucks her is just doing it bc they are in a contest to bang the fattest girl
we've decided to start cutting you off when you can't figure out how to work an ipod.
She has puke in her hair, is missing a shoe and is now crying. People trust her to be their child's teacher
Things I have learned since the start of my first college spring break: do not fart in an enclosed space (such as a shower stall) when hungover. You will throw up. More lessons to follow as week continues.
Someone wrote "gnarballz" on my fridge in black marker. I'm pissed, but more concerned I slept with the one who did it
I folded my dollar bills into mustaches in preparation for our trip to the strip club
I went by my nickname in rehab. It made it feel more like summer camp.
I'm eating taquitos in the bathtub at 5:30 am. What a great end to the night
Mom and dad should be so proud half of their children have gotten naked in the same local grocery store
I have fence marks all over my body
"I played a game called "how drunk can you get in a minute" last night. How was your Thursday?"
Can we climb Your roof?
No bitch its 2am go home.
No, Ethan, handcuffs and friendship bracelets are not "basically" the same thing.
Randomize
