he wasnt into me til he saw how good i was at ms pacman. wtf why does this always happen? when she kisses pacman it was a little awkward, so i made my move. i went for more than one kind of banana last night!
We found an eightball on the ground last night. I mean, really, who does that?
dude, the summer is killing me. i just woke up cause my balls were stuck to HER leg!
Last night started off great but became the saddest day of my life when i was drunk in a hotel room eating day old mac and cheese out of a yatzee cup with a coffee lid as a spoon...
i guess that's what happens when you find your girlfriend at the zoo
worst night to have a conscience
I just learned in bio that our sole purpose for life is to have sex.. so your high number is acceptable. its actually lacking.
She said I wasn't helping her abandonment issues by not responding to her texts at 4 am
I'm drinking and throwing an enormous tennis ball at children. I couldn't be happier.
Then I hope you find a set of extremely intelligent, flexible triplets in the ethnicity of your choice.
That is the nicest thing anyone has ever wished for me
Just as I was applauding myself for the best wing man award, I realized we are going to have to burn our futon.
Well, I saw an Olympian's genitals tonight, so it can't be that bad.
when you shit yourself on the way to school its time to give up and go home
Bitch how dare you drink my dos equis
Access to a Target is paramount to my general happiness and self-worth.
Randomize
