why is it whenever you puke in the park there are always little kids on the swings?
You're such a slut.
I prefer opportunist.
Just heard this lady walk by on her phone saying "did everyone orgasm?"
Unless you can cure my hangover with your penis I'm not interested.
its safe to say i can delete the contact in my phone "brandon random bus make out" from spring break right?
Yes. That was the exact moment of my conscience clicking into instant high alert.
I just ironed my gstring.. this is please fuck my brains out on a whole new level.
I love the fact that my Mom has been present at 90% of my drug deals.
Drunk me just left a note for sober me apologizing for all the fucking crumbs in our bed
I mean I've only met the girl once and she was trying to slit some guys tires.
I hate who I am becoming
I think of it as growth but I also hate who I am becoming as well
my nurturing instincts told me to take his clothes off
I don't think I can get drunk, high or horny enough to even consider that
I'm sorry for peeing on you last night. Will cookies make up for it?
I HATE BEING THIS HIGH FML IT'S LIKE I'M MAKING UP FOR ALL THE 4:20S I DIDNT DO ALL AT ONCE
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