I know its time to do laundry... i cant even find a dirty sock to wear because they all have jizz in them
I read the police report. You asked the cop if you could use his in-car computer to update your facebook. No way you get out of a DUI.
Bad news is im a slut again. Good news is its with people ive been a slut with before.
I got a lap dance until she said they wipe of the poles between each dance to clear the "std slime", i couldnt even masterbate at home it was a horrible military monday
just started drinking the sprite you used to ice your crotch last night. Missing you already
I thought we agreed, no more super glueing action figures to my dick
My costume is made up of 4 inch heels and a firefighter costume I'm borrowing from the dramatic play area of my Pre-K classroom. I told you I could still be slutty on a teacher's salary.
Of course, you get to fuck all night while I'm stuck in the girls bathroom sucking a limp dick for coke
How is it I was the last to know everyone calls me tig ole bitties? Did y'all have a meeting about this that I wasn't invited to?
Were gonna hotbox in the trunk. I think there's room for another half of a person if you're interested
As an added bonus, you will have a "25 blowjobs a month" voucher, expiring thirty days after the first initial bj.
forgot to tell you your neighbor walked out of her house this morning just as I was leaving shirtless
I am so horny that I an legitimately concerned for your safety when I see you tonight.
she crossed my comfort zone...i thought i was a freak
said the guy with a pink sex swing...
He made a group chat with him, his wife, & I. Is this really life!??
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