My professor is talking about sperm and all I can think about is my mouth
an ex called crying about her current BF. convo ended in phone sex. i love emotional wrecks
My porch is a mess of peanut butter and tostitos...thanks for that.
Three of the best words ever! Cocaine. Research. Study.
at least you got your priorties in line. new years first, than the baby.
Sorry I pulled the thermostat off the wall..
I'm glad I booty called you last night. It was nice to see you and talk, in between all the sex...
You know it is an interesting night when the 911 operator calls you
You peed up the stairs in front of everyone then blamed it on the dog
Currently siting in the living room naked, staring at one of the girls across the street in her living room naked. This is like the most intense starting contest of all time.
You went through my pantry and left one of everything in the box. One cracker. One cheesit. One piece of cereal. I really fucking hate you.
i think god would be more upset with me for turning down such a beautifully crafted cock than he would for me liking girls
She's relieving herself in the laundry room. I'm really hoping there's a toilet in there...
Who would you rather hang with tonight, drunk me or high me?
we should get together and get drunk.
On a Monday?
don't discriminate against mondays.
Randomize
