she is graduated, working for the school, and puking in the bathroom of a frat house. she wants brush her hair so she doesnt "look trashy". im in love.
I give him blow jobs while he watches sports.. how am I not his gf yet??
they were just spraying pledge on themselves and calling it lemon cologne.
As soon as the judge read that I rear ended the car from getting roadhead he chuckled. You know he's been there before.
he locked me out then poked me with a fork when i tried to get in through the window
I ended up naked in a pond with you-know-who and your saying your a good babysitter? Dick.
I just saw a herd of slutty loofahs run down the street...
Captain Morgan didnt let me down when i stand up it feels like the world is trying to hand me rainbows.
Just got back from the tanning beds. I'm a lobster. I fear for the safety of my nipples falling off.
I need a drink and a shade of lipstick that will put the fear of God in a man's heart.
My date bailed but I got to take a nap so I'm cool with it.
Wine. Check.\nDino chicken nuggets. Check.\n#IssaParty
am drunk, naked, and blow drying cat. need adult supervision
he asked me why I let you steal the gnome, and you jumped out of the bathroom, yelled "you know why!" and ran outside with said gnome
I'm hearing voices and sirens. I'm scared. I heard a manatee out there.
Randomize
