he wouldnt have sex with me because his guild had a misson on world of warcraft.
TBS has betrayed me by telling me tyler perry is funny
I feel violated. a guy just did an ultrasound on my balls. He made eye contact..
Yes, she did suck your dick in the bathroom to wake you up.
You were shirtless with a cowboy hat in 15 degree weather then u shotgunned a can of mixed vegetable Progresso soup
I need to get skinnier so that I know when pregnancy scares are real...
I assume it was your influence that had me go from DD to waking up out on the deck with one eyebrow shaved off??
... I went down on him at the movies. I feel like Alanis Morisette.
we are out of drugs. and patience. please bring former.
My pupils are so HUGE you can see into my soul from 2 miles away
im actually so stoned and hungover i feel like a bag of jello stuffed into a human shape
New drunken fun fact of last night, after I pushed Sarah and before I started making out with guy #1, I shouted that I'd go to third base on a first date, then threw myself at him
he sent me a green and gold dick pic and advised me I needed to come drive the snake from Ireland.
even my drug dealer wished me a happy birthday before my mother did.
I'm 80% sure I have pink eye. This is my penance for being a homewrecker.
Randomize
