I woke up in a house cuddled up with a beagle on a futon. have no idea who anyone is but they all call me stretch. yeaaahhh boiiiiii
shes trying to book us all flights to Ireland..I let her get mine and yours but stopped her when she tried booking the guy next to her at the library
Just think. Tomorrow you'll wake up, shower, and get your brains fucked out. That's your ice cream. Today is your peas and carrots.
pregamed for the floor meeting. so stoned. i keep thinking my RA is shrinking.
FYI...Jose likes Shamrock shakes better than Jack
I woke up to him yelling "WHO SLEEPS WITH A BEER IN THEIR HAND?!?" this of course, startled me awake and made me spill the aforementioned beer. So I guess the a answer is- not this girl, not anymore. Asshole
She just tricked me into telling her the balance of my 401k... She's like a gold digging jedi mind trick ninja
I can't stop drooling did you spike my drink?
Did I run into a tree or get punched in the face?
Both.
Girl this is ridiculous I told my self that I would stop having sex in stairwells yet it keeps happening
Jill you already won the game by finding a dude who will fuck you in flamingo knee socks. Theres no hope for the rest of us
He's taking me to Tao. This is going to be so weird. How do you go on a first date with a guy that has seen you naked more times than clothed?
I just got a free round of shots. Don't you DARE fuckin tell me that A-cup boobs can't get you good things.
I'm too drunk to explain this to you. It's too hard.
I'll give you some leg action but I'm not showing you anything else until your penis admits it loves me
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