I need to stop coming to work sober
he thought i was passed out so he proceeded to jerk off while i lay on the floor next to him
I hooked up with a Michael Jackson impersonator last night. Too soon?
how drunk was i? i pretended i was getting a blowjob from a fuckin dolphin in front of my dad. thats how drunk i was.
Instead of a promise ring i got my clit peirced, its a promise that ill always give you ass! =]
hahaha our party bus just died on the freeway and we're drinking in the center divider. i'm on the roof. i win
so how was last night?
got high and had our usual talk about the definition of cole slaw. then tried to call the ramen noodle company and convince them why my face should be on thier packages.
I was just "that girl you seen blowing some dude outside when you drove by"
I woke up in bed alone w 2 bite marks on my boob... Salt and pepper shakers In my purse along w a bottle of steak sauce.... The drunkasauraus has struck again
I am wrecking havoc on the skinny girls by going home with the big one. She is taking me to see her dog now.
Yeah... I still gave her a hug because I felt really bad though. I mentioned that my boyfriends grandma just died too, just to reinforce that I'm straight afterwards.
I just conducted a skype meeting drunk and in the middle of a cornfield. I don't even think they noticed.
I couldn't drink enough to fuck the friend, you said challenge accepted and stole some chicks shot.
Where the fuck do you get consience sedatives from?
Overheard a drunk girl talk about how when she's drunk she believes in more than one God
Randomize
