her voice is like 435,765 daggers being simultaneously twisted into my eardrum
i'd rather just be hit by a car than answer her phone calls
you woke up, pulled a beer bottle out of your pants..took a drink and went back to sleep.
well, if it werent for her you wouldnt have gotten a handjob in the middle of the bar. so, maybe you should thank her too.
bottle of wine in one hand cigar in the other. 5 am. topless on our fire escape. and she cleaned our bathroom... i like his new girlfriend.
We got the idea to smoke under his bed because, and I quote, "it'd be just like going camping"
we need to find an occasion to wear tutus
Excellent idea. Nothing says "congrats for resurrecting yourself, Jesus" like Greygoose at noon!
I told him if he went to see magic mike with me I'd cover his eyes during the penis parts
They were so big her bra clasped in the front. Didn't even know those existed.
We dug deep emotionally while eating cereal
No more weed for you
Sounds like she has 4 first names. Like a sad version of Ricky bobby
Good friends go out of their way to crop dust your ex not once but twice. I knew we were friends for a reason
Well. Another one of my exes came out of the closet.
I woke up next to a Big Mac box.. And had no sheets or clothes on. The night was a success I think.
I told him I hooked up with his best friend. And then he ate me out. I'm just THAT GOOD.
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