well this feels familiar. awake at the crack of dawn laying in the fetal position praying for the sweet release of death. i think im done with jager for a while
There's a guy at this party taking all the unfinised beers and pouring them into a pitcher so he can drink them tomorrow.
this will be a night to untag.
I'm the only adult here not drinking and their 2 year old daughter is trying to play dolls with me.. I've never been so demoralized in my life.
For future reference, never invite the people you met at Dunkin Donuts at 2am to your house to watch Dogma
he quoted the bible to break up with me
Ethically speaking on a scale from 1 to morally wrong, how wrong would it be to give babies ambien? Hypothetically speaking.
Best part of having a window in your office is that you can leave through it when you shit your pants at work.
So we get back to the hotel room and Tom strips off his clothes... His first sexual act as my fiance? Helicopter dick. I gave him a high five.
Want to come over and rub aloe on my tits?
I guess I could probably fit that in between deep self reflection and teenage mutant ninja turtles
You were stoned out of your mind. We were eating cold cuts and you wouldn't shut up about how it was the wettest meat you'd ever felt in your life.
I saw a picture of my dad holding my legs in a kegstand. Town festival=success.
What is it with the dog running away when we have epic hangovers
I just had to explain my bite marks to my allergy doctor when she gave me my shots...You're the best <3
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