Get out of your relationship and into my pants.
i just put all of my beerlympics medals into my academic awards box. i would say they are my greatest achievement since college.
For future references, orgasms clear sinuses.
he said i ruined lesbian porn for him
I can'nr wwn explain this nihght . So amnt dixks. Shitttttt.
It's a special occasion. Hence the 151.
3 things. 1. is this real life 2. my liver hates me 3. keg race tonight
I asked if he wanted to come over and he said he was busy. Then I sent him a pic of me in the bath with the bottle of wine I already finished and all of a sudden he was free. Booty calls are too easy.
I'm going out with a guy whose nickname is Shark Week cause he'll eat anyone. I'm very excited.
She literally just changed his birthday. Overly attached girlfriend has nothing on her.
you didn't want to pay for the shots so you negotiated with the bartenders. Apparently 1 shot is worth 5 seconds of motor-boating you.
You start to question your party girl tendencies when you're wearing the same shirt you wore the night before to work and you're trying to get last nights Jell-O shot off the sleeve on your way to work
If my vagina were a person, it just ran a marathon.
Anyhow. He gives me orgasms and cuddles and buys me dinner and alcohol. Ill keep him around and cross that other girl bridge when we get there ha ha
Did you guys just have three hour sex? You both stopped and restarted texting me at the same time
If I were to say yes, would we still be friends?
Randomize
