i passed out on the floor in my hallway and woke up with my dog licking himself 2 inches from my face. my first reaction? envy
You screamed 'pound me, you big thick stud.' I looked around for porn cameras.
Shut up. I did not.
I really wish I was making that up.
Please stop sending me picture messages of your shit. Seriously. I don't care if it looks like popcorn chicken.
we used that portable toilet as a cooler to keep coronas. next person who tells me hospitals arn't fun needs to come party in rm 180.
have u ever looked at the reflection of the water n watched the poop come out of u?
why can't you just be normal
Just had to explain my "wine me. Dine me. Sixty-nine me" key chain to my grandma...she took it surprisingly well.
Worst hangover of my career vs the return of the blue balls. Will keep updated
You ever get that 6th sense feeling in your dick like you know its gonna get sucked later?
im afraid if i stop breathing i will turn into a porcupine
I guess I realized I had a problem when I ordered 4 shots and told the bar wench to pour them all into 1 glass
What if there is no right person? Maybe it's just the right cat. Or the right 12 cats.
you said you couldn't hang because you had to masturbate and feed your lizard
He wrote me a Haiku titled, "Let me touch your butt".
Just because you have put things in my vagina does not mean you know me
I associate the Game of Thrones theme song with his dick now.
Randomize
