Stephanie. Problem. I think if I had met Murphy before Ben I would have fucked him instead.
Don't worry about your Murphy feelings. I may have fucked him no matter what.
I actually told the people in the movie theatre to give me a cup and I would dip water from the toilet before I paid $4.50 for a bottle of water.
We're so high we're finding things in the room to build a submarine with. So far we have two cardboard boxes, a piece of wood, puffy paint, and an empty bottle to use as a periscope.
i guess it wasn't a booty call since he got home from the club at 6:00 am... he told me to consider it morning sex
And to think..we used to do everything sober...
Girl walking by was talking on the phone about how he needed to write a gratitude list in her letter to god this week. Too stoned
She's "threw gas on the fire to put it out" drunk. Come retrieve ur gf. Ps she smells like burnt hair
It was that same situation where "cuddling on the floor" was actually just code for "rough shameful hate sex" hahaha.
I just gave my mom some ones that look like they've probably been in some strippers cooter. Oops.
Haha. Just tell your mom not to smell them
Hey mom, most of this money I'm giving you is in ones. Don't ask why and whatever you do don't smell them.
Sounds legit to me.
Should I be concerned you put your last name in my phone as "danger"?
He talked for 3 hours straight on how his dad is a dentist how fuck do you think my night was
he's a ginger AND was born with 2 holes in his penis. sleeping with a rare species & I LOVE THE THRILL
I would reevaluate a bf who is happy with other guys doing me.
STOP GETTING GIRLS PREGNANT IN MY BED.
She texted me this morning asking why all of her house pillows were inside her mini-van.
So thats where i built my buckingham palace
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